I hereby present to you the BBC News headline of the day - no, week! No, lifetime!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I like the sun. Ba-boom-tish!

I grew up in the Eighties, so one of the scariest things you can do to me is to sit me down in front of Gremlins. Those freaky green creatures repeatedly scared the crap out of me as a child - would my toys start spurting babies out of their backs if they got wet? Should we really be feeding that cats after midnight? So even just watching the new BT advert which features the Gremlins terrified me more than it should have - the part where the music kicks in is petrifying. If you care to wet yourself in fear, the ad is here:

Mark Hegarty, the marketing director of BT Business, claimed on Media Guardian that “everyone loves [Gremlins]”. Are they sure? Really really sure? Or could it perhaps just be everyone who didn’t sit in a dark room as a seven year old watching Gizmo go bad while their sister screamed in their ear so loudly and at such a high pitch the neighbourhood dogs came by to see what was going on?

While part of me thinks that I would never use BT Business tech support on the basis of this ad (and also because, well, if it’s anything like BT actual tech support you’d be throwing good money after bad), part of me is also slightly concerned that if I don’t let BT look after my computers, little green guys will throw knives at me and the one with the English accent will come and sing New York, New York at me. And honestly, I’m not sure which of those options is worse.

• Carla chic? | Fashion and style | Life and Health
  “Oh my God, with those Dior outfits costing however many thousands of pounds, how does she manage to look so “chic”? Wow, she must be a really special, talented and innately important person. And wearing flat shoes? She’ll be splitting the atom next.”

Last year’s window garden didn’t work out particularly well. I could blame the weather, and that did play its part, but in truth it was only a small part. In reality, I got tired, I got jaded and I got fed up of the window boxes flying from the second floor to the ground, a trip they could never survive. This year, any enthusiasm I have is down to two people: my Dad, who came through to Edinburgh and drove us to get compost so that I could have enough to do everything I needed and not have to worry about ekeing out a bag because buying more meant an awkward walk with a heavy weight, and Al who defied our lease and attached brackets to the windowsills so that the boxes with (hopefully) stay put, feezing his skin off in the process. I am lucky.

We have four boxes, two decorative at the front, one at the back for herbs, and another at the back for alpines. The botanic gardens has given us a love of alpines, and it’s really lovely having some of our own, particularly the gorgeous spring flowering saxifraga that I get to look at constantly as it’s next to my desk.

This year also has bigger plans than just the window boxes. After speaking to a neighbour, it seems no-one really bothers about the communal garden except on particularly sunny days, so no-one should be particularly bothered if I were to dig up a small area and plant some vegetables. So, while we have two tomato plants and a cucumber to grow outside, I’ve also planted some courgette seeds and some dwarf broad beans. I have carrot seeds, too, although those need to go directly into the ground. And maybe none of this will work, but at least I’ll have tried.

I never procrastinate. The fact that I have taken up Doctorvee’s tagging and am writing up a meme when I should be studying for that degree I like to pretend I’m not doing is irrelevant.

1. The rules of the game get posted on the beginning.
2. Each player answers the rules about himself [or indeed herself].
3. At the end of the post, the player tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read his [or her] blog.

What I was doing ten years ago:
I was sixteen, and still pretty ill, so probably not a lot. I think I was attempting a biology GCSE by post, but that never really took off because I wasn’t well enough.

Five things on my To-Do list today:

1. Revise, revise, revise. The Human Sentence Processing Mechanism - fun for all the family.
2. Go to the pharmacy to buy plasters that stick and will save the sore on my ankle from future destruction.
3. Go to the Chiropractors and beg them to fix my back. Bye bye, money.
4. Empty the dishwasher, put bedding in the washing machine, then apply for housewife of the year award.
5. Avoid the temptation to drill more holes in the wooden bits near the walls. No-one needs that many cup hooks, Sarah.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Move into a house with a garden, end all commitments based on working (or eventually working), and hire people to do all of the day-to-day stuff that saps my energy: cleaning, filing, matching socks up after they’ve been washed. Then, with all my free time, I’d do all of the travel and reading I’ve wanted to do, and when I got bored I’d go get that art school degree I’m always wittering about.

Three of my bad habits:
Just three? How do I only pick three?!

1. Talking. I do it a lot. I’m strangely fond, however, of my habit of chattering away to Al just as he’s trying to go to sleep, with my sleepy brain asking bizzare questions like, “if you were a cheese, what kind of cheese would you be?”
2. Peeing with the toilet door open. Partially because our toilet is literally in a cupboard and I don’t like being shut in, and partially because if I closed the door I’d need to stop chattering and then I’d get bored. Al just walks up and shuts the door on me. Meanie.
3. Forgetting what I’m doing halfway through and wandering off, leaving everything sitting there. I have the attention span of a flea - I can’t watch films unless I’m with someone who’s happy pausing them after fifteen minutes, because, without thinking, I get bored and wander away to the next thing.

Five places I’ve lived:

1. Glasgow
2. Kirkcaldy
3. The Student Flat of Doom, Edinburgh
4. Wobbly Flat, Edinburgh
5. Who knows where next?

Five jobs I’ve had:

1. Craft demonstrator in a craft shop
2. Diaryland template designer
3. “Freelance” web designer
4. Online Services Team Manager
5. Photocopier-and-book-poster-in-chief for a publishing house

Five books I’ve recently read:
Most of these books are all published by the same company, and that’s not a coincidence (see job #5, above - no money, but free books as a perk). Some of them aren’t out yet, but keep an eye out for them when they ar:

1. Bonk, Mary Roach - Currently reading, or more realistically, reading a paragraph, bursting out in laughter and reading it out to Al. A great book, and I swear the footnotes are even better than the main text.)
2. The Psychology of Language: From Data to Theory, Trevor Harley - Revision fodder; the phrase “dull as dishwater” was invented for it.
3. Being Emily, Anne Donovan. I could rave for days about this book, it’s absolutely brilliant. The first book in a long time I’ve literally not put down, leading to some interesting one-handed toast buttering incedents.
4. The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, Rebecca Miller. A good book - really good in parts - but not as brilliant as the reviews I spent hours photocopying made it out to be; I think that Miller, as the daughter of Arthur Miller and wife of Daniel Day Lewis may be getting a very smooth ride from the media based mostly on her connections. That said, I would still recommend it as a good read, and I’ll be interested to see how the film - apparently in the works - turns out.
5. Show Me the Sky, Peter Hogg. Didn’t get it. Found myself skimming long, seemingly pointless, passages. Fantastic cover, though!

Five people or communities I’m going to tag:
You, you, you, you and, most of all, you. If you read this, consider yourself tagged!

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  That any newspaper, let along a Glasgow newspaper, would let that get through to the publishing stage is really quite incredible these days. I haven’t read the Sunday Herald for a while, and now I’m remembering why.
  (tags: sundayherald newspapers media)
• Type topics: The ampersand
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• Advertising Vs Reality - A Product Comparison Project | Funtasticus.com
  I look at this and all I can think of is that my Dad and Al would have a great time in Germany. Look at all that fake food! Curry Sausage! Herring Salad! Milk rice from the wonderfully named “Schneller Teller”!
  (tags: food germany packaging)
• Whats your favorite part of the cow? - Yahoo! UK & Ireland Answers
  Good question for the “vegetarian and vegan” section, but an even better Best Answer.
  (tags: cow cowbell)
• A French revolution
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